August, 2008 - Sometimes, it pays to be lazy. Rather than strike out to find that latest Swedish or Japanese punk rave, translate their broken English, and massage it into an interview, this month's mini-spotlight focuses on Charm City's own HOLLYWOOD (and their broken English). Timmywood was kind enough to explain the chemically imbalanced blueprint to their twin-guitar, transvestite-obsessed scuzz rock. Read on and expand your already-dizzying knowledge of bands that wear lingerie and designer cowboy boots.

Marchman: How long has HOLLYWOOD been together?

Timmy McSlym: All the released material to date is culled from our "Three Amigos", or "Three Men in a Little Lady" (International title) period starring: Christiandeath and myself on vocal and guitar duties (read: dootys), and Stonewall Jack (aka Soupbone) behind the kit. Carbon testing would reveal the existence of a HOLLYWOOD of Olde dating back to the early part of this or that century, before we worked in color or sound.

Marchman: But you've had a lineup change since then, correct?

Timmywood: HOLLYWOOD v. 3.0 hit the streets in the spring of 2007 for live engagements in the absence of Christiandeath (whose relocation to Snortland, OR made the recruitment of additional HOLLYWOODs absolutely necessary to fill his shoes. Understand these were no ordinary shoes -- Shaquille O'neilian in proportion, we enlisted the services of three inner city guitarists, and so the downward spiral resumed). Our first single with the 5-piece will be out this fall on Temper Tempo records. It's a winner.

Marchman: And the name HOLLYWOOD comes from where exactly?

Timmywood: It took a staff of 60 writers (all union), months of revisions, and 11 separate working tittles before we arrived at a relevant yet marketable name. Then we changed it to HOLLYWOOD.

Marchman: How much time do you guys really spend together?

Timmywood: If standing huddled around the HOLLYWOOD mainframe, finishing each others sentences with dinner in the oven, and a bedtime story already picked out isn't enough for quality time outside the boozing and prostituting of gigs, maybe we'll consider going the "Some Kind of Monster" route.

Marchman: What's the story behind the sausage-hang porn on the "Girl" 7"?

Timmywood: A mans gotta earn his way, anyway he can. What else is there to say? We were broke and doing a lot of poppers.

Marchman: I have a hard time telling from the album, does everybody sing the choruses together, or is it one voice multi-tracked?

Timmywood: Everyone would agree that no one in the band can sing, Mark. But most of the choruses on the LP are both Christiandeath and myself with the accompaniment of our man's best friend, Mad Dog 20/20. Two of those puppies and the room is singing.

Marchman: You guys seem to use amplifier feedback as if it's a musical instrument in itself.

Timmywood: We wanted to get something nasty and deliberately amateur. For a brand of music that is meant to be wild and unruly, we didn't want to sit down to play our guitars or stop to tune all the time. There's no point in relearning your instrument just to record.

Marchman: How difficult is that to reproduce recording all the parts separately in a studio? Did you guys play all in the same room, that sort of thing when recording?

Timmywood: All the music from "Hits" was recorded live at our then friend -- now guitarist's recording studio, Catastrophic Sound. We did vocals later on in various locales. Looking back, we were going for seance suited settings. We got into some evil shit recording the vocals. Channeling the spirits of Buddy Holly and Biggie and dead friends and such.

Marchman: There are no lyrics included in the album. Are there any that you're particularly proud of that you'd like printed here, free of charge?

Timmywood: There are some gems I'm certainly proud of, but their prize is best discovered by ones own devices. Of course, neither HOLLYWOOD nor any related projects take responsibility for your interpretations.

Timmywood: I don't think we ever got what we wanted the record to sound like, entirely. We knew what we didn't want it to sound like, and avoided that like the clap. HOLLYWOOD is more of a live experience anyway. If someone can get into our record, and pick out particular hits that really juice their nads or whatever, then their gonna really go ape when they see it live. Surround sound, man. Come see what your computer speakers are missing!

Marchman: The drummer is very good, but you have to listen to pick it up. You can tell in "Big Mouth", but he's not flashy...keeps it simple and stays in the background. Is it the same drummer on the entire record?

Timmywood: We've never changed drummers. Still on our Sean Connery, to indulge the cliche. After a set I'll hear from people praising our drummer ten times for every one time I get invited to a bathroom stall.

Marchman: I'm truly sorry. Obviously I've opened a wound.

Timmywood: That's the idea, Mark. Open axe wounds in bathroom stalls. Hotdogs down hallways. Better get inside the kingdom and close the door, if you're ever gonna get yours at all.

Marchman: Indeed. So, how did you come to include THE PRETTY THINGS "Cause I'm A Mang" on the "Hits" album? What other covers do you include in shows?

Timmywood: We use to do "Drug Problem" (Kajun SS) as well. We'd play them off as our own. I don't think anyone ever called us out either, but that's Baltimore... Maybe The PRETTY THINGS cover is in defense of all the cross dressing. What do I know. Somebody should probably call a doctor.

Marchman: It seems like there's a bluesy, almost 60s rave up sound underneath all that distortion and wackiness. Plus, "Girl" has a little bit of a glam vibe to it. What're some of the bands in the sonic stew that makes up HOLLYWOOD?

Timmywood: There have never been any musical boundaries set for the band, so long as its easy enough to remember without practicing, without being embarrassing, or "experimental". I imagined "Girl?" as a song THE FUGS or GIZMOS might have done if they were around to mistake emo boys for dolled up girls.

Marchman: Whats the fascination with men in drag? Front of 7" EP, back of CD, front of CD?

Timmywood: Sex sells. HOLLYWOOD records don't. Our PR people had the ingenious idea to dress things up / down where needed. Thus the nip slips, and exposed dicks.

Marchman: Any heckler retaliation strategies we can look forward to at a HOLLYWOOD show?

Timmywood: Some shithead friend of mine pantsed me at our last show in Baltimore. I wasn't wearing any underwear, but it was my birthday, so I rolled with it. So, eye for an eye. Dick for a dick. I hate when people mosh at our shows. Its happened several times due to the combo of high alcohol consumption and overall primordial tendencies of our fans. Its embarrassing, and scares all the girls away before we can.

Marchman: Any really off-the-mark reviews (besides ours)?

Timmywood: The Baltimore City Paper compared us to Suicidal Tendencies.

Marchman: How extensive is the tour in support of the disc?

Timmywood: We did some southern dates last spring with RTX, and just got back from a northeast jaunt. There was a memorable show in Manhattan with Okmoniks and Nobunny that ended in the band dosing ourselves and each other with roofies.

Marchman: What's next for HOLLYWOOD?

Timmywood: Unnecessary sequels, the occasional cameo, and more records.

Marchman: No, I mean in terms of touring so that our legions of readers can flock to your shows.

Timmywood: Lend us your ears and we'll play y'all some songs. Cook us up hot meals, you can do no wrong. Let us crash naked on your floors, we won't stay long...Even if there is nobody at the show, and the club is totally gay, and the doorman is a hick, and the bartendress is a cow, and the Faith / Void / Faith split is nowhere on the jukebox, and the Wi-Fi don't work.

HOLLYWOOD are Stonewall Jack - drums, Timmy McSlym - throat, K.B. - guitar, Big Mang Ken - guitar, Riggy "The Rod" Rito - bass. Their album "Hits! An All-Time Low" is available through Big Neck Records. Visit their MySpace page at myspace.com/theehollywoods.